Azula is alive
by machete227
Summary: What's going through Azula's mind as she's chained down in the series finale. My very first fan fiction!


**I believe the source of Azula's insanity was mostly her father. This is Going through Azula's head while she is chained down in the seaoson and series finale. Somewhere between when Katara puts her there, and while she's healing Zuko. This story is told to the lyrics of Help I'm alive- Metric. I DO NOT OWN HELP I'M ALIVE-METRIC OR THE AVATAR SERIES. You can see some hints of Zhazula in there. This is my first ever fan fiction, so I hope you all enjoy! ZHAZULA 4 EVA!**

_I tremble..._

I can feel my sobs shake my whole body. The heat of my tears wind around my face._Why am I not with Dad? Why didn't I beg him to take me with him? _No, it is not in me to beg, but maybe, it could've prevented this. I feel so helpless, so useless. I hate it. And I wonder if it's going any better with my father.

_They're gonna eat me alive..._

So much false respect and love. So much paranoia. There is never any rest for my soul. There once was a time when there was. But not anymore. They all would like to kill me. _What have I become? _Strong, that's what.

_If I stumble, They're gonna eat me alive._

I was always little miss perfect. It is what defines me in the eyes of my father, my people and yes, even brother Zuko. They all expected nothing less from me. And if I faltered, shock ripples through their faces. I never knew how I learned what was perfect in my father's eyes, I just always knew. His opinion is my life. It means the world to me.

_Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?_

"Forever, love." I remember those words of the handsome Admiral who always seemed to linger about. _Where are you now, Zhao? _At the bottom of the sea in the north, probably. _You said you'd be there for me._

_Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer._

I never needed anyone's help. No one's love. But I wish I had it now. I wish Zhao alive, I wish my father here. They could defeat Zuko and the Water tribe swine. _Oh, Zhao, I wish so much for you to live, next to me, to still love me, for you just to be. Still, if only for a moment, I wish I could bring you back._

_Hard to be soft, tough to be tender._

I had trouble loving. "Azula, you must never love. It is a sign of weakness." That is what my father told me. Love makes you weak. Love is not real. It is an illusion. Perhaps I felt something for Zhao, maybe. I try to deny that I loved him. _Thank you, Zhao. For teaching me to feel again._

_Come take my pulse the pace is on a runaway train._

I can feel my heart, beating so fast it pulses my whole body. It beats faster and faster until I may collapse. It hurts, is painful. It feels like the dull, low heat I've felt my whole life in my heart, trying to kill itself. _My body is tying to kill me._

_If you're still alive, my regrets are few..._

Not many people understood Zhao and me. We had the same thoughts, feelings, views. But now he is gone, and I pretend I don't miss him. I wish I really didn't.

_If my life is mine, What shouldn't I do?_

I was always allowed to do whatever I wished. Now I am chained. I feel so restricted. I can barely take it.

_I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need._

"Anything you want, Azula. Take it. It's yours." _Not the case anymore, Dad. And I feel as if it won't ever be again._

_While my blood's still flowing, and my heart's still beating like a hammer._

People are so weak. Able to die so quickly. For what? Only so their spirits live on. I don't want to live forever. But I don't want to die. No, not like this. Not at the mercy of my failure brother. I never thought someone close to me could die. They all seem so strong, so untouchable. But, just like that, their breath could be robbed by the wrath of death.

_Help! I'm alive my heart keeps beating like a hammer._

I can't take this, I must get out. This isn't what father would do. He would be finding a way out, cursing at them both the whole time. The voices never stop. They won't shut up, they won't quit talking. _Get out! Get out! Get out or I'll-_

_You'll do what, Azula? Kill me? I am you. You are me. We are apart of each other. Just like Zhao said._

_Stop. Stop! STOP!_

_We don't exist. You can't kill what doesn't exist, Azula._

_You know whose fault this is, Azula? Ozai's. He created us in you._

_It's NOT his fault! Please don't...__don't._

Why is it me? It's always me. The voices never antagonize anyone but me. They complimented Zhao, admired my brother and uncle, and feared my father. "_You'll never be good enough in his eyes, Azula." _One of the many things they said. They were quietest around my father. He was my lifeline. The one thing that kept me from dying in my own concealed sorrow.

_Why? Why? Why? Why?_

**So how about it? Love it? Like it? Hate it? Needs improvement? Questions, comments, funny jokes? Please review and tell me what you think!**


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